Comedian · Writer · Actor · SAG-AFTRA · Astoria, NYC
Lauryn
Petrie
“In hard times, it’s helpful to see that the darkness is also, often, ridiculous.”
4×NY Comedy Festival
3×Skankfest
100×Autopsies Assisted
Comedian · Writer · Actor · SAG-AFTRA · Astoria, NYC
“In hard times, it’s helpful to see that the darkness is also, often, ridiculous.”
“The dead people have all begun to blur together. I just can’t keep track anymore. I’m inside cadavers for hours a day. Spending intimate time. Cutting into them, all the way to the rib cage. The doctors always tell me to go deeper. ‘All the way to the bone, they won’t feel it.’”
“Death doesn’t discriminate and neither does my scalpel.”
— from Deadpan, forthcoming memoir
“When she handled a particularly bloody [body] bag, figuring it was a homicide and not a COVID death, she felt a vibe shift: ‘New York is coming back! People are leaving their houses again!’”Read Full Article →
Astoria, NYC — Photo: Leon Chase
Standup comic, writer, actor, ex-autopsy assistant, and former drug addict — Lauryn Petrie finds humor where others fear to tread.
Her comedy is a dark, unfiltered exploration of trauma, addiction, and the absurdities of life, drawing from her real-life experiences as a former autopsy assistant and recovering addict. Her unique perspective and sharp wit have made her a standout in the New York comedy scene.
She has performed at notable venues and festivals including Skankfest (3x), Hell Yes Fest, the New York Comedy Festival, Carolines, the Gramercy Theater, and the Cape Fear Comedy Festival. Her work has been featured on SiriusXM, Gas Digital, Tinfoil Hat, and Zac Amico’s Midnight Spookshow.
From 2022 to 2024, Lauryn co-hosted Alien Murder Sex, a weekly podcast at Gas Digital Studios blending true crime, alien lore, and personal chaos — now concluded. She is currently writing her debut memoir, Deadpan, which chronicles her time in the Manhattan morgue during COVID-19.
The Full Story
A child of divorce and a South African mother, Lauryn grew up in an abusive home in Austin. She was a child actress, most known for a part as a villain in the 1997 made-for-TV movie “Hope,” directed by Goldie Hawn.
Unable to endure her mother’s abuse anymore, she ran away to live with her Asperger’s father in Silicon Valley, where she quickly fell in with the wrong crowd. Within weeks she was doing blow in the high school bathroom, feeling fancy.
A few years later, she ran away to Portland, Oregon, where she lived with a “street family” under a bridge. Once, she tore a guy’s eyes out of his face when he tried to assault her while high on heroin. She also survived hitchhiking all over the West Coast.
She escaped the bridge by moving to Idaho with a boyfriend who turned out to be, not a “great” guy. She tried to escape by enrolling in college, was stalked for a couple of years, but credits heavy metal for helping her feel like a god when she was scared.
She eventually dropped out of college to become a stripper — and was fired for being too fat. Twice. From the same club. After webcamming her way out of Idaho and smoking DMT for the first time, she moved back to Portland to pursue stand-up.
At her very first open mic she met comedian Belinda Carroll, who offered to take her on the road. At the Cape Fear Comedy Festival, she was lovingly “kidnapped” by the owner of The Creek and the Cave, put in a van, and driven to NYC.
She performed in the New York Comedy Festival four years in a row, opening for Laurie Kilmartin, Jessica Kirson, Judah Friedlander, Dave Attell, Sam Tripoli, and Adrienne Lapalucci.
Kings County Hospital
During the pandemic, Lauryn went to work at Kings County Hospital as a morgue tech, which led to a job at the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner as an autopsy assistant. With no prior medical experience, she assisted in hundreds of autopsy cases during the height of COVID in Manhattan.
She quit after 11 months when comedy came back — the agency sent her a cease and desist about the morgue jokes they saw online.
She did not care. She had a lawyer look at it and the C&D is full of spelling mistakes, and because she never signed an NDA won’t hold up in court.
Lauryn is working hard on her forthcoming memoir and her stand-up. She lives in Astoria, Queens, is now cool with her dad, and works weird jobs and bartends at dives.
For booking inquiries or to ask a weird question — reach out below.
